If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me...

The above title is actully a quote from Dorothy Parker. I put it there because I'm about to say something not very nice.

I was just watching a bit of the Duke/North Carolina game and I began to have a little cranial itch, you know, where you kind of remember something from years ago simply by association.

I remembered that I have a general loathing of jocks. This is odd coming from a sports fan, I s'pose, but let me clarify. I don't usually have a problem with professional athletes (except for anyone who is a Los Angeles Laker or a New York Yankee) but I don't dig collegians because I think they can remind me of that specific dumb jock type who tormented me in high school.

As I was watching this game there was one in particular who stood out as that 'dumb jock type', (and it's not like I've met this guy, he just has that air about him) North Carolina's Tyler Hansbrough.



I couldn't find exactly the kind of picture I wanted but if you watched this particular game you probably saw what I did. A guy who has a perpetual look of that guy from your college dorm who would commandeer the TV lounge on Friday night with his 24 pack of beer while bogarting the remote so you can't change it away from his favorite country music videos before he passes out and then when he wakes from his drunken stupor has a look that says "I'm not sure, but I may have crapped my pants."



I have no definite proof that Tyler Hansbrough has ever crapped his pants in my old college dorm after an all night bout with CMT, but I've decided I don't like him anyway. And apparently neither do the folks at the Onion...



Part of this is probably the fault of me being in a general bad mood tonight and having this tool leer out of my television being all cool because he won the genetic lottery and he doesn't realize that not everyone in the civilized world adores him because he plays basketball at a storied university and he'll soon make millions in the NBA while having hot chicks with dreams of a paternity suit throw themselves at his dumb ass while I sit here in my jammies eating Fruity Dino Bites wishing I had some skill set I could have used to my advantage coming out of high school besides being a smart ass who bought his way out of a sure thing 'F' in parallel parking by bribing his drivers ed teacher with Ho Ho's and Dr. Pepper so I could get a 'C-' thereby negating anything resembling a work ethic I might have developed so now I coast through my job and life like a freakin' zombie on Thorazine attracting dorky chicks wearing Twilight T-shirts trying to hide their daddy issues and other assorted baggage so they can stalk me and make promises that they'll never want to change me and can I loan them a hundred bucks so they can go to Stephenie Meyer hack writer camp with special guest Michael Crichton's corpse...



But I digress.



Seriously though. Doesn't this guy look like a douchebag?

To be fair, Hansbrough and North Carolina won the game and he is, by all accounts, a fine young man who works hard and has a bright future. I am the douchebag in this scenario... directing my vitriol at a type of person on the periphery of my memories rather than praising the accomplishments of an individual who works hard for his success. I suck.

Man, I hated high school.