...the horror...

For some unknown reason I am feeling quite anxious about the upcoming year.

No, that's not exactly right. I'm feeling anxious about a new year.

There have been lots of things that I've conveniently been putting off and/or visualizing happening next year. Pretty much this means I've been procrastinating and now it's time to pay the fiddler.

I've had two completed screenplays for awhile now and I've never shopped them, entered them in competition, in fact I've done nothing (not even re-read them) for about 6-8 months. I solemnly pledge to you, loyal reader(s?) that I will do something positive with them in the next 90 days.

I have had a few good ideas but haven't written hardly a thing to bring them to life. I will rectify this and have some new material soon.

(I suppose you could call this blab-fest a lame-o version of New Year's Resolutions)
One thing I've done already is the diet. Yeah, I know, I'm a broken record on this one. I've lost 8 pounds. Many more to go.

Okay. Now on to the fun stuff.

I finally saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls. Not so good. In fact, kind of bad. I don't want to waste energy on this snooze-fest, so lets move on shall we?
D-.

(I found this on deviantart.com by a person named daybender. nicely done, sir or madame.)

On the same night that I saw Indy IV, I watched Zombie Strippers. Also not good, but at least it had a sense of fun that was missing from Steven Speil-beard's latest. When I say a sense of fun, I'm definitely not saying it was funny. I'm just saying that it understood that it wasn't so great, and as a result it didn't take itself very seriously. It's a comedy that forgot to be funny, a boob-fest that forgot to be sexy, and a zombie movie that forgot to um, well, I have nowhere to go with this joke.
And, sadly, I have to say that Jenna Jameson looks really, really freaky.

She used to look like this

But now she looks like this.


Yecch. This is a prime example of why I will never ever ever have any whims or thoughts about plastic surgery.

I really have no cohesive thoughts tonight. This is just a purging of the mental junk drawer. Thanks for stopping by.

Thank heaven for small favors

I work for Hertz Rent-a-Car and while it's not the best job ever, it's certainly got it's perks and enough variety to make it enjoyable most days. My boss and I get along quite well as we're compatible in some ways that it's good to be so, and yin-yangy enough in other ways to not always be in lockstep. He values my opinion (I think) and I value his and these are good things.

I was going to transfer to Spokane a few months ago for what was initally a promotion (of sorts) and instead chose not to go when it became a demotion (of sorts).

The Hertz I work for is known as a licencee rather than a corporate office. The guy who owns it owns around 20 of them located in Idaho, Wyoming, South Dakota, Utah and Washington. They are owned under a corporation named Overland West while using the Hertz brand. We have three sizes of cities labeled as A, B, or C cities; A being the larger branches and C being the smaller branches.

In Idaho Falls we are one of the smaller B cities. Spokane is our largest A branch, meaning it is our largest branch, period. Me moving there would have been quite the step up both in terms of volume of work and in prestige.

I was quite disappointed to not go. Only in the last week or so have I accepted it and attempted to move on. It can still rankle, however, when I have a bad day here because I figure that a bad day there would somehow be better.

ANYway, my boss told me yesterday that Overland West is feeling the pinch of the crappy economy and that some layoffs have taken place in our A cities. When I asked about layoffs in our B cities (perhaps even OUR city) he told me I was fine because there are many people who have worked here less time than me, and part-timers (not me) would be first to go anyway. Whew.

How happy would I be to have been in Spokane (with, I presume, the bills of moving and a brand new apartment lease) and get canned? Not much.

So, thank heaven for small favors. I still have my job, it seems safe for the moment, I like most of my co-workers and I like my schedule most of the time. Bully for me.

just a few quick movie notes...

In Bruges is one of my new favorite movies. It's darkly funny, darkly tragic, and darkly violent. It's the kind of movie that would offend most people, so of course I'm a big fan. Colin Farrell is really quite funny and Ralph Feinnes is sort of off-type and evil, and still very good. Brendan Gleason is the perfect everyman bridge between these two characters. Hitmen, drugs, prostitutes, angst, midgets, tourism... In Bruges has it all. A-.

I'm a big Mike Mignola fan (he's the guy that invented Hellboy) and he had a one-shot comic book and attempted TV pilot called the Amazing Screw-On Head. The comic won an Eisner award, but sadly the TV pilot was not picked up (damn you Sci-Fi network!). Luckily for me Netflix had the pilot on DVD and I watched it and loved it. Quirky, inventive, and fun. And the artwork looks spot on to what Mignola puts on the page. I liked it a lot and am sad it didn't continue. B+.

errr...I'd write more here, but I have to work now.

a clarification...

Just a few quick notes about the previous post:

I'm not looking for sympathy. I've made my bed, and now I'm sleeping in it. I blame no one for my current state but myself.

It's not a cry for help. I'm a semi-educated, mostly reasonable adult and I can solve my own problems. It might take awhile, and I may stumble along the path, but I can do it myself.

The post was, as I have stated, simply an exercise in stepping outside of my comfort zone. Said zone was constructed by me as a short-term remedy, used to help me deal with a bad situation. I have come to realize that this short-term fix was merely that, and in the long-term I need to expand and rediscover myself so that I may be a healthier and happier person.

I don't need mood-leveling drugs, therapy, or deep, deep concern. Perhaps an occasional hug, or a kind word and my world will be a better place. Oooh, and Ho Ho's. Yeah, Ho Ho's will make every thing swell.

Peace out.

my blogging problem

I have a built-in resitance to blogging because, well, blogging is a very public enterprise and I have grown into a person who is, in general, quite private. I am pretty much an open book to my friends but I have reservations about airing my dirty laundry in a forum that anyone, and I mean anyone, can peruse at any time. Perhaps I am turning into Old Man. I am resitant to change, I am crabby and cantankerous. I do not embrace the MySpace generation ideal. I guess I prefer my shite to stay my shite.

(deep breath)

So, in an effort to grow a bit (I'm hoping that getting outside of my comfort zone will be a good thing), I have decided to share a bit of my shite with whoever happens to read it.

And away we go...

I'm a train wreck. A grease fire. To some, a lost cause.

As you may or may not know, I was in a rotten marriage, I got divorced and I no longer have custody of my children. Along the way, I was emotionally abused, I was emotionally abusive, and I lost a good deal of my self esteem.

I have retreated into a small world where I don't have to deal with much. I work, I go home, I read/watch movies/play video games/write (this rarely)/hide from the bulk of the world.

I, for a long while, hurt so badly that I barely functioned on an adult human level. When I started to realize that I was zombie-like, I had to apologize to my boss for mailing it in for several months. Luckily he's been divorced twice so he was understanding.

I have gotten into a comfort zone that doesn't allow for much emotion. Doesn't allow for social interaction outside of work. Doesn't allow me to grow at all. As a result, I have been bottling up all of my negative energy for years. I've found that I over-react to small things and I have the ability to explode over medium things. Luckily for me and everyone who knows me, I haven't had any big problems because then I'd be climbing the bell tower with a rifle. Har har.

All kidding aside, I have come to realize that I need to find a social life. I probably need to date someone and have someone to share good and bad things alike. What stops me from doing this is, because of the afore-mentioned divorce, I have grown bitter and cynical and wary of sharing. I have trust issues. I have commitment issues. I have people issues. And worstly, as a person who needs to heal, I have issues with anyone who wants to 'fix' me.

I had what I thought was a good first step to making a change in my life: I was going to move to Spokane. I was going to have to make new friends and accquaintences. But, unfortunately, the job didn't work out, so I stayed right here, resistant to change, and bitter about losing the opportunity.

So...

To whomever reads this, please have patience with me while I try to figure out how to become a functioning memeber of society again.

To all of my friends, you are few these days, but please know that you are important to me. I appreciate you more than I can say.

To all of the ladies in the world, I'm really not an evil dick. I can cook alright, your mom will like me, and I can almost watch chick flicks with interest and a straight face.

(another deep breath, and a small shudder)

Yeesh. I just re-read the above and have decided (against my better judgement) to not edit anything beyond minor grammar/spelling flaws. As I mentioned, I hope this is a positive step for me. I wish me luck.

ugh

I usually don't do memes but ...well, I'm really bored. Enjoy.
1. ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet, current car): Alice Sable

2. GANGSTA NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, favorite kind of shoe): Coffee Sneaks

3. HIPPY NAME: (what you ate for breakfast, fav tree): Toast Bonsai

4. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born): LeRoy Rexburg

5. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Barbr

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (favorite color, favorite drink): Black Diet Coke

7. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers/grandmothers): J.D. Joseph

8. STRIPPER NAME: (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy): Black Pop Rocks

10. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 4th grade teacher’s last name, a city that starts with the same letter): Kleck Kalamazoo

11. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower): Summer Pansy

12. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now) Orange Jammies

March can't get here soon enough

Every comic and movie lovin' cell of my body is screaming for the calendar to move faster so March 6th will arrive so I can go see Watchmen.





This is one of the best comics of all time and the thought of seeing this on the big screen is right up my nerdy alley. Which is not the same as my Kirstie Alley, who is locked in my basement, wearing a gimp mask, and totally blowing her diet.





Also, Rudy Ray Moore is dead. While those of us who fight The Man pause for a moment of silence to honor the man who was Dolemite, those of you with teenaged daughters can breathe a sigh of relief.